Cars 2: Visions of the Future
by Blustreakfreak
Summary: A jumble of stories about our favorite cars after the first movie took place... Including characters from the all new 2011 Cars 2! Join Lightning McQueen as he atempts to make it out of my fanfictioning head... In one piece! Rated for language and themes
1. Snooping

AUTHORS NOTE:

Dear readers,

Disney fans,

Pixar fans,

And all Cars fans,

I present to you a collection of oneshots and mini fanfics that I will or already have thought up. They may include characters from the upcoming Pixar film, Cars 2, or some of my OCs, never before seen by human eyes. But, in general, they will be about Lightning McQueen and all of the hilarious and epic adventures he goes through within my mind.

The first fanfiction that will be featured in this collection is called "Snooping", a hilarious oneshot originally titled "Cotton Candy". I thought this up a day or two ago, then changed it up a bit so it was more of a solid story. In the first version, Ke$ha makes a cameo appearance at a racetrack and sings one of her new songs, "Grow A Pear", to Chick. But, unfortunately, that didn't make for a strong storyline and it had to be cut.

I have returned to for a few reasons:

1.) I love it here with all of the talented writers and epic stories.

2.) My computer can't handle making movies for YouTube anymore.

3.) Deviantart just gives my computer too many viruses.

4.) And I just can't stay away from it all any longer!

So… enjoy! Luv u all!

* * *

"Snooping"

Lightning McQueen was driving around the paddock at Palm Mile Speedway quite aimlessly. It was a gorgeous day, and he couldn't sit in his tent for any longer. As he was driving, he heard a familiar tune. He crept towards the sound, trying not to make it obvious that he was snooping. He thought he nearly went blind when the rounded the corner. There was all but Chick Hicks, acting completely ridiculous, dancing around to "California Gurls" by Katy Perry… with a hat in the shape of a cupcake on his head. On top of this, he was gorging on a huge barrel of neon pink cotton candy. McQueen couldn't help snorting then laughing obnoxiously. Chick froze in his tracks at an odd position with a disgustingly enormous mouthful of pink sticky fluff. McQueen leaped out of his hiding spot with a huge grin.

"Mf-feem?" Chick attempted to speak through the sugary masses. He quickly swallowed. "McQueen, what are you doing here?"

"Uhm, well Chick, I'm kinda here for the qualifiers… Ya know, for the piston cup and all?" the smartass retorted.

"Uh, ya, me too," Chick tried to cover up.

"How very interesting," McQueen drawled with a bored expression. Then his face lightened considerably, "Whatcha eatin' there, Chickster? Been piggin' out alot, lately?"

"No!" Chick panicked. He had to calm down or the kid would make him feel like an idiot.

"So… is it pink cotton candy?"

"What?"

"You can't even tell what you're eating?"

"Nonononononononono! Its thirty five gallons of neon dyed cotton candy!"

"Pink. Cotton candy."

"YES!"

"You must be so embarrassed." The song that was playing ended.

"Why the fuck would I be-"

An evil smirk appeared on the rookie's big face.

"Oh."

"You are so stupid, Thunder."

"You're such a little bitch, McQueen!"

A heavy southern accent boomed from above, "He nota beech! Hes-" a shadow grew on the ground next to Chick, "FRIGHTENING MCMEAN!" the voice exploded as its owner landed next to the green machine.

Chick screamed bloody murder. Literally, he screamed. It wasn't anything like how McQueen screamed (loud, loud yelling), and it was higher pitched than you would expect.

Even the Rust-eze car jumped backwards a bit, and Mater nearly fell over guffawing.

"Aye scared ya! Aye scared you bof!" Mater was laughing.

"Naw, _you_ didn't scare me Mater, I just was surprised by how… almost _girly_ Chick's scream was!" McQueen began laughing as well.

"Hey Chick, izzat yer hat? It fell of when you screamed." Mater pointed out the cupcake sombrero*, now laying on the hot asphalt.

"Um…" the racer looked down. "Ya."

"Oh cool! Whare'd ya get such a uh… edible lookin'… accessory?" Mater finished.

"Haha!" McQueen rolled back into the conversation. "Ya, get that one personally signed by Katy Perry? Was it designed by Lady GaGa while she was sleepwalking and having a nightmare about "California Gurls"?"

"I-"

"Suuuuuck."

"That is so immature-" but he was cut off again.

"What does that make _you_, Chick?"

Mater piped up again, "Ya, and yer fancy-dancy-hat-thingy!"

McQueen turned and began casually driving away. But he didn't even get ten feet before he turned back to face Chick. "Oh, by the way, you have a little bit of pink cotton candy stuck on your mustache."

Chick's mouth fell open.

McQueen turned back around and sped away in a noxious cloud of burnt rubber smoke and exhaust fumes. Mater loyally followed quickly after, leaving the green racer to find an oil rag to wipe the sticky mess off of his face. He ended up just wiping his face on the cupcake hat, and turned around to find that who but the media had seen the _whole damn thing._

_

* * *

_

*Sombrero: Today in Spanish class, I learned that this is just how they say "hat".

Authors Note: Uuugh. That's finally done… its after eleven… blah. I'm so tired… well, no evil reviews please, and whoever reviews will get a free virtual barrel of neon pink cotton candy! Whoohoo! This is a oneshot (or whatever the heck a oneshot means) but it may be mentioned later on in another part of the collection… Cars 2 everybody! Woot woot! Lol goodnight, don't let the peanut butter bite!


	2. Poison

Authors Note:

Hey peoples! Thanks to LightningandDoc121 and McQueenfan95 for reviewing! Yes, I should make a Christmas story and I'm glad you are enjoying that cotton candy!

This is the other story that inspired "Visions of the Future", called "Poison". It's much much longer than Snooping, and it's probably the longest chapter I've ever written! (McQueen: Really? Me: I know... Scary. I do type with two fingers though… SKEELZ!)

I did promise you all that I would include new characters, so here they are! (These are REAL characters from Cars 2! All of them belong to Pixar!)

Holley Shiftwell: A British spy in training. She's a really beautiful purple car… no idea what model, though. Voiced by Emily Mortimer.

Finn McMissle: Spoof on James Bond. He's a British super spy that resembles an Aston Martin. Voiced by Michael Caine.

Grem and Acer: Grem is the puke green car, the one they call "ruthless" and he was apparently "left for scrap" sometime during his life. Acer is orange. One of them is a Nova, I know… both are heavily armed and British, like McMissle.

So enjoy my hard work! I had to wait all day and turn on and off my computer nearly 20 FUCKING TIMES because it's some old model and it crashes now DAILY… I'm getting a new one for Christmas, though ^^

* * *

"Poison"

A chilly and foreboding nighttime air blew throughout Paris, France. Lightning was standing outside in the cold, lost in thought. _Hey, aren't I supposed to be waiting for something?_ He remembered. The bright red stock car peered around the corner of the old building. A look of concern spread across his face. As he looked in the opposite direction, he bit his lip. Now he seemed to be approaching a mild panic. Sally had been only watching him for a minute, but he would've never noticed. She drove to the end of the alley where he was standing. The streets were bathed in a warming, orange light, and there were a few cars and trucks driving around this exclusive part of the city, but Lightning was acting like someone was out to kill him.

"Stickers?"

"Sal? Hey." He returned his gaze to the darkened streets after a quick glance in her direction.

"Are you ok?"

"Ya. Totally."

"That was _really_ convincing. What's bothering you so much? It looks like you're waiting for someone to jump out and shoot at you!" Sally chuckled.

At this, Lightning winced. His eyes began to dart around frantically. Sally saw his heightened discomfort, "Lightning, please, what's wrong?"

_He isn't going to tell me everything!_ Sally worried.

"Mater has been missing for about 36 hours. I need to leave and find out some-"

"WHAT? Missing? Why?"

"I'm about to find out."

"Shouldn't we call the police?"

"Do you speak French?"

"No, but-"

"Then they will simply think that we are out of shape American tourists who desperately need help opening the mayonnaise jar."

"That's not true, Lightning!"

He sighed heavily, and then turned to face his girlfriend. Sally saw the fear shining in his eyes.

"If- If I do come back, and if it's without Mater…" he trailed off.

"Where are you going?"

"To find answers." Lightning turned, pulled out into the road-

"Wha- Wait! Lightning!"

-and raced away into the night.

* * *

FOUR HOURS LATER:

Holley Shiftwell was in her hotel room having a live video conference call with her mentor, Finn McMissle. He was explaining the situation of the most recent episode in the spy world.

"Holley, Tow Mater is M.I.A. If he does not turn up soon, we will lose this battle," Finn was telling her.

"We cannot win?" The purple British woman was shocked.

"No, we still have a chance. I just need you to keep an eye out for-" McMissle was cut off by a knocking on Holley's hotel room door.

"I must take care of this. Goodnight, Mr. McMissle."

"Goodnight, Ms. Shiftwell." The monitor of her spy gadget went blank.

Holley glanced through the peephole and couldn't see anything. She unlocked the door and hit the button with her wheel to open it. The door slowly rolled up, revealing a familiar face.

"Hullo, may I help you?" Holley questioned cautiously.

The car was wearing goggles, but the peered from under them. "Ms. Shiftwell?" he asked with a friendly smile.

"Yes?"

"May I come in?"

She gave him an odd look.

The car in goggles sighed. "Lightning McQueen? Sound familiar?" he pointed out impatiently.

"Oh!" it hit her. "You are the one I have been watching race all week! Yes, Mr. McQueen, you may come in!" she backed out of his way to let him enter.

Finn was still listening in. He spoke over Holley's comlink, "What's he doing, going about at 3 am? He has the 24 hour race tomorrow at noon!"

Her eyes narrowed at Lightning. "What are you doing up at this hour? Shouldn't you be resting for your big day tomorrow?"

Lightning knew she would be suspicious. The strange man he had met at the park had told him so. He had to completely fool her…

"There's still time, babe, don't worry." He forced his unwilling eyes to survey her body.

Holley was taken aback. _What did he just call me?_

Lightning hit the button to close and lock the door. He would have to thank that strange car for all of the information he had given him. Holley watched in silent horror as the door sealed shut.

"Oh, Holley, he just came for sex, didn't he? I cannot believe that I ever thought he could possibly be a spy!" Finn told her over the comlink, and then tuned out.

Lightning hated doing this to her. But getting the information was more crucial than anything else right now. After pretending to check her out for a moment, he slowly dragged his gaze back up again to meet hers. There, they stared at each other for a moment. Holley didn't mind him much; she thought he was quite good looking. Lightning broke their gazes by driving closer to her, their lips almost touching. Holley took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

_Perfect,_ Lightning thought.

There was a clicking noise, and Holley opened her eyes. There was a revolver, aimed at her windshield.

The racer spoke, "Sorry, but I couldn't wait any longer."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You think I wouldn't find out?"

"I-" Holley gasped.

There was another clicking noise, but louder. Then there was another.

Now, behind Lightning, there were two other men. An orange one and a puke green one. They both had huge machine guns and rocket launchers aimed at Lightning's rear windshield.

The stock car grinned. "Boys! You made it!" he laughed.

"You gave us quite the chase, McQueen! But you can't hide from us!" the battered orange car asserted.

"How did you two get into my room?" Holley shrieked.

"You left the window open."

"But I'm on the fifty first floor!"

"We have a plane. Don't we, Grem?" the orange car stated. The green car, ("Grem") nodded in agreement.

"Sorry McQueen, but you can't find out any more information." Grem told the goggle wearing American.

Suddenly, Lightning shoved his gun straight into Holley's windshield. "Where's Mater?" he demanded, his voice loaded with poison.

"MCQUEEN? What did we just bloody fucking tell you?" The orange car screeched.

"Yea, listen to Acer, McQueen! Miss Shifty, don't tell the kid _anything_!" Grem warned.

"That's Miss Holley _SHIFTWELL_ to you!" she barked at them.

"TELL ME, NOW!" Lightning pressed the gun in even harder. Holley screamed.

Finn turned back on his comlink after his last comment to only to hear his student screaming. "Holley! What's wrong?"

"Oh Finn! They are all here!"

"Finn?" Grem asked.

"Finn McMissle," Lightning growled through his gritted teeth.

Both of the bad guys screamed.

Lightning whipped around to see his missing crew chief, Mater, also wearing goggles, attempting to attack Grem and Acer. Before Lightning could utter a peep, Mater grabbed both ratty cars and hurled them through the windows to the streets far below.

Lightning took his revolver out of Holley's face and turned around to face Mater. The old tow truck beamed proudly when he saw their gaping mouths. Lightning's turned in to a grin moments later. He revved his engine and drove to the door. As he passed by Mater, he asked:

"Where have you been? Off on this top secret adventure without me?"

Mater chuckled and followed the racecar out of the hotel room, leaving Holley to mull things over. Then Finn called.

"Tell me everything."

"Well," she began, "after Lightning came in…"

* * *

THE END?

Authors Note: Meh… took about three hours to type… not too bad. Doncha worry your little heads people, Grem and Acer survived… They said they had a plane on their side, right? Yup. So… Up next? IDK yet… maybe a funny one? Then probably the Christmas one… Whoever reviews will get… a uhm… how about… OOOOO! CUPCAKES! WITH SPRINKLES! NOMZ! Oh, and the goggles are to protect ones eyeballs when handling a firearm… Mwahahaha.


	3. Epic Fail

Is this a fanfic?

Not sure.

I remember waking up this morning after a long, restless night. I somehow got to my feet, changed into my school clothes, and stumbled my way to the kitchen.

"Good morning- WHOLY FROST!" I shrieked. Outside, there was a blanket of frost that had everything caught within its wrath. Now I know that sounded strange and not like my usual self, but again, not much sleep last night.

What am I doing? Attempting to write at 8:30 am. No, wait… it's actually 8:27. Whatever. (At this point, this entry is officially called 'Epic Fail')

Lightning: Whatcha mean, 'whatever'?

Me: What?

Lightning: WHAT?

Me: Ya IKR.

Lightning: '…'

Ok. Fail. I'm going to turn this chapter into one of those super- goofy fics where everyone has a laptop and an AIM.

We are watching some Spanish video on YouTube. The guy who is talking is Spanish, but he sounds British. What's up with those people over in Europe? I want to go there someday…

Okies, time to come up with some screennames… lemme fill up this space first so I can get to the next page in this friggen notebooooooooooooooooooooook- OK!

(That was copied word for word from my notebook… Now let's get to the fanfiction here!)

* * *

"Epic Fail"

**ChickisGay!**** Has signed on**

**Lightningisimmature ****Has signed on**

**HimynameisMater**** Has signed on**

**ChickisGay!:** Chick? Is that seriously the BEST username you could come up with? Oh, and Mater, you're not supposed to put your real name in your username.

**Lightningisimmature:** It's Sally. Chick's username is even worse than yours.

**ChickisGay!:** How?

**HimynameisMater:** Oh sory Lightning I didn't no.

**ChickisGay!:** Sorry has two "R"s, dude.

**HimynameisMater:** Whoopsie.

**McqueenIsPREGNANT! ****Has signed on**

**Lightningisimmature**: See Stickers? I told you.

**McqueenIsPREGNANT!:** Ditto.

**ChickisGay!:** Chick, I'm a guy. I'm not pregnant. And you forgot to capitalize the "Q".

**McqueenIsPREGNANT!:** Oh I don't give a shit! I'm not Gay, either!

**ChickisGay!:** But you're a dude. Dudes can be Gay, not pregnant.

**DocHudson51**** Has signed on**

**DocHudson51:** Who's pregnant?

**McqueenIsPREGNANT!:**The Rookie.

**DocHudson51:** Chick, how many times do I have to kick you outta the damn chatroom? Oh, and you forgot to capitalize the "Q".

**McqueenIsPREGNANT!:** Well how do you know he doesn't have a pussy?

**ChickisGay!:** Why, Chick? Want to find out? What if I actually am pregnant and I'm carrying your child?

**HimynameisMater:** HOLY SHOOT!

**ChickisGay!:** I'm joking Mater, don't worry!

**HimynameisMater:** Oh, phew! Dats a purdy good thing! Dat wood bee bad if dere wuz a half Lightning, half Chick lil racecar runnin round… *SHUDDERS*

**DocHudson51:** Thanks for that image, Mater. What a wonderful way to start the day. Don't you agree, Sally?

**Lightningisimmature:** I'm trying my best to stay out of this.

**McqueenIsPREGNANT!:** McQueen, you have the most stupidest friends!

**ChickisGay!:** Most stupidest? Chick, by any chance, did you attend middle school? Did you drop out of fourth grade or something?

**DocHudson51:** Yea Chick, that is a bit ridiculous!

**McqueenIsPREGNANT!:** It was a uh… TYPO!

**HimynameisMater:** Oh c'mon! Even I new dat wun!

**McqueenIsPREGNANT!**** Has signed off**

**DocHudson51:** What a shithead.

**ChickisGay!:** Damn, I didn't mean to make him freak out run away and hide!

**Lightningisimmature:** See? This is how I thought of my username! I'm right, right?

**HimynameisMater:** Hey guys, do ya fink dat Chick iz… um… Home- a- fo- dick?

**Lightningisimmature:** You mean Homophobic?

**HimynameisMater:** No I meant what I said!

**ChickisGay!:** LMFAO! You guys are the best! *Collapses on the floor laughing, unable to type anymore*

**DocHudson51:** Sure thing, Rookie.

* * *

To be continued? (In another chapter down the road… Mwhahaha)

AUTHORS NOTE: Well. That definitely came out of nowhere… I didn't even think it up before I wrote it! Fanfics take a minute to get an idea, a few days to think up the whole little "movie" in my head, hours to write (depending on the length) and then twice as long to type! (This one took a week to type…) And yes, men have gotten pregnant before. But not car men. Ya know, men that ARE cars? Forget it.

I can see that A LOT of you Fanfictioners are reading this story but not reviewing! AHHHH! I live off of reviews! I put them on my waffles for brekkie! They are my life source! My fuel for my engine! Like in Ratatouille Remy's dad told him: "Put some fuel in the tank, or your engine will die." So… I WILL DIE WITHOUT REVIEWS! Thanks to McQueenfan95 and LightningandDoc121 for those epic reviews! You guys totally made me smile! Thank you! *BIG HUG* FREE CANDY CANES! (Next time it will be PIE! [NOT the number, the food.])

MEEP

OMFG I almost forgot! Poll! Its on my profile! PWEETY PWEESE VOTE? Its my fist poll of all time and I'm SO FRIGGEN EXCITED!


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